You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.  Psalm 88:8

As I read Psalm 88, it seems to address in varying degrees our current situation. Due to the current pandemic, the world is more limited and isolated than usual.  Not only that, but there seems to be a sense of mutual loathing between those with compromised health and those who are relatively healthy.    The former fear that some do not take the guidelines seriously enough and may further compromise their fragile world while the latter may not appreciate the just how fragile some of our health situations are and deem those concerned as overly cautious.  Admittedly, having been tested this week for Covid-19 following a rough respiratory infection, I’m somewhere in the middle of the scenario.  I want us to be safe, but don’t want people cruelly criticizing others without knowing their stories…there are those who have legitimate reasons to be out and about.  No matter what perspective one takes, we are for the most part, “shut up and cannot go out”.

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The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  Proverbs 16:9

As reflected in the passage above, we often make plans only to have them changed or redirected.  Such is the case today.  I have two posts partially written but I’m not up to the task of creating.  The weather has turned and my body is reacting.  Further recent events in our life have me distracted and unsettled which also affects me physically.  As frustrating as it is, it is a common dilemma in my life.  In an attempt to be more in tune with my physical limitations and not exacerbate the situation, I have decided to reuse a post from two years ago.  It’s not my first choice, but it is the prudent one and a nuance of accepting the realities of my life with some measure of grace.  Change is inevitable and as I contemplate the changes that God has made to various plans throughout my life and the lives of those I love, four reasons that come to mind are: redirection, placement, refinement, and grace.

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Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

It’s often said that the only constant in life is change.  That has been true for us this summer.  Within our family: we have sold or are selling four homes, buying three, two families have moved, Marie and I are in the process, our three grandsons have changed schools, Adrienne and Tom just got married, and Adrienne has gone from single woman to wife and mother.  I’m sure there are more changes, but that’s about all my mind can process at the moment.  Most of these changes are intentional.  The boys, however, had no say in the matter, but seem to be adapting reasonably well.  As reflected in our family’s situations this summer, some change is chosen and some is not.  No matter whether we choose change or whether it is thrust upon us without our consent, there are usually benefits that are enjoyed and challenges that cause frustration.  It is incumbent upon us to recognize that both are God’s will for us and must be received graciously and thankfully.

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His master said to him, “Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.”  Matthew 25:23

This past weekend, my daughter and I performed the father daughter dance at her wedding reception.  It was not flawless, but it was fun and was, by the accounts of others, beautiful and well done.  However, those three minutes and thirty-one seconds of dancing were the end result of hours of instruction and practice.  Throughout the last few months there was a fair amount of perseverance for both of us.  My daughter was juggling work, moving, wedding planning, dance lessons with her husband, and at the end a sinus infection in addition to lessons with me.  For my part, the normal responsibilities of life, the extra activity necessary for the wedding preparations as well as getting our home ready for company and the frequent dance lessons caused by body to get too run down.  On one occasion my wife and our dance instructor ended a dance lesson shortly after we began because I was too fatigued to function well.  The Monday and Tuesday prior to the wedding, I was also struggling to do anything of value.  In short, the celebratory dance that was enjoyed was culmination of a fair amount of graceful perseverance.  It was a series of choices to take risks and rise above adversity to live well.  It was choosing perseverance.

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Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.  Psalm 55:22

As I was going into the groomer’s shop this week to pick up our dog, our groomer was going to her car and looked at me but didn’t acknowledge me.  Later when she came back into the shop, she apologized for making me wait and stated that she thought I was a teenager using one of their parking spots and admitted that she was frustrated that a non-customer might be using their allotted parking space.  Given my age, salt and pepper hair, and a few extra pounds, the thought of me looking more than 40 years younger was laughable, but I took the “win”.  In her defense, I had on a hat, sun glasses and gym clothes making her quick glance less than informative.  Similar misconceptions may arise for those of us with invisible illnesses.  It can be challenging when people make assumptions regarding our health based on how we look.   When we make the effort to attend events and do our best to look good, others often fail to understand how ill we are, how difficult daily tasks can be, or how challenging it is for us to engage in social activities.  Those struggling with grief or various trials may face some of the same challenges with respect to the understanding or expectations of others as their struggle is not readily visible.  Even those with visible disorders may be challenged by the expectations and assumptions of others if they strive to present a strong demeanor.  Consequently, the phrase “you look good” can quickly crush our spirits.  This was certainly true for me for many years until I was shown a more biblical perspective that involves the impact of God’s sustaining grace.

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The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.  Romans 8:16-17

As I continue to facilitate another support group, I have the benefit of being reminded of (or in some cases, relearning) past lessons regarding the roll of suffering in faith and in my relationship with God.  I’ve been going to church since I was born and I’ve been a Christian most of my life.  Much of my childhood was spent being instructed in or listening to the finer points of faith being discussed or debated.  As an adult, I’ve participated in many such discussions and led a few.  These are the things of religion.  While I have had a relationship with God since my youth and recognize periods of significant spiritual growth throughout my life, that relationship has been significantly altered by my illness.  In that regard, my suffering has been my greatest blessing in that has matured my faith and pushed me to a deeper relationship with our Lord.

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“Blessed be the Lord, for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.”  Psalm 31:21

For those of you that follow my blog closely, you may have noticed that my Monday quotes and the verse of the day have dropped off.  Life has been a bit challenging and I’ve had to surrender a bit to maintain my sanity.  Life with chronic illness is a battle against both known and unknown factors.  It is a battle of the mind and soul as well as the body which often leaves one feeling besieged. 

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“They sang, praising and giving thanks to the Lord, saying, ‘For He is good, for His lovingkindness is upon Israel forever.’ And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid.  Yet many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ households, the old men who had seen the first temple, wept with a loud voice when the foundation of this house was laid before their eyes, while many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the shout of joy from the sound of the weeping of the people, for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the sound was heard far away.”  Ezra 3:11-13

New Year’s Eve is the time when we tend to evaluate the past year and look to the new one with a hope of great things to come.  Our best New Year’s Eve was December 31, 1981.  That night our younger daughter was born and there was literally a party atmosphere in the delivery room.  In addition to my wife and me, there were two doctors, three interns, a couple of nurses and an anesthesiologist.  Rather than waiting for a ball to drop in New York City, we were awaiting the arrival of a child.  While it was mostly a joyful event, there was also pain as my wife would have to recover from the surgery.  While we like to label each year as good or bad, the reality of this life is that most years are a mixture of joy and sorrow.  That was the mood as the exiles from Babylon viewed the foundation of the new temple.  Those that remembered the former glory of Jerusalem wept at over the loss of what once was.  However, there was also the joy of Jerusalem being rebuilt.  It’s a good lesson in life…how to gracefully accept the joys and sorrows of life understanding that God has orchestrated our lives with purpose so that in the end we may be blessed with a joyful eternity. 

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So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.  Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.  Colossians 3:12-14

Within the past couple of weeks there have been quite a few conversations to make plans for Thanksgiving.  While the menu hasn’t varied too much from year to year, the people with whom we share the meal have varied greatly.  Naturally, the core group has always been our immediate family. However, many years have regularly included extended family, friends and acquaintances.  As I consider those with whom I have celebrated this holiday, I am reminded that I am most thankful for the people that God has chosen to weave in and out of my life.  Their roles, the length of time in my life and the affection for them has varied greatly, but they have all had a purpose.  As the saying reminds us, some people are a blessing while others are a lesson. 

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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

My wife and I went to a dinner theater last week with my aunt, uncle and a few of their friends.  Shortly before the intermission, one of the ladies in our group collapsed into the lap of the woman sitting next to her.  Admittedly, given her symptoms, most of us thought that she was dying.  Thankfully, by the time the ambulance arrived, she had recovered enough to walk to the gurney.  After spending the night in the hospital, she was released with a heart monitor.  Aside from the obvious concerns for those involved, it raised a deeply rooted fear of my own.  As much as I accept God’s will in my life, the thought of a public medical emergency still haunts me…and I’ve had a few.  For many of us, it raises concerns about embarrassment, image, and acceptance.  Ultimately, we cannot control the events of our lives, but we can control our response to them with a bit of truth.

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