With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints.  Ephesians 6:18

The more people you know and the more you get to know people, the more you become aware of their need for prayer.  This is especially true within the body of Christ where the struggles of others are made known through prayer requests. When I was able, an additional benefit to singing with our church’s worship team was the ability to scan the congregation and offer prayer for those before me that I knew were struggling.  While I no longer have that opportunity, I find that social media provides the same advantage as friends’ posts become reminders to pray.  Given my own circumstances, I would guess that a greater than average percentage of my friends face their own battles with chronic illness in addition to the “normal” trials of life.  Consequently, I often find myself overwhelmed and, therefore, offering many simple prayers for: the need, wisdom, peace, their soul, and the glory of God.

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Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”  Mark 6:31

Going into this week I knew that it would be busy with obligations to family, friends and to you as readers.  I’m also trying to get yard work done early so that I don’t get so far behind that I wear myself out trying to get it all done before I do some traveling or get so stressed that I inflict stress on my wife.  In fact, I had so many tasks on my mind that I forgot that I was supposed to get my grandsons off of the bus Monday.  (They were safe as their parents have great neighbors; their parents kindly extended gracious forgiveness to me.) There was no room in this week for allergies, a sinus infection, a cold or whatever I have come down with.  I already struggle with my normal health concerns and I just don’t need another layer of illness, but there it is and I’ve been battling it for three days.  Even worse, when I thought it was getting better, I decided to work in the garden for an hour or so.  It was probably not the wisest choice as I have asthma and am allergic to dust, pollen and grass.  The point is that I didn’t listen to my body and tried to do everything…now I’m falling short and this isn’t the post that I started working on.

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A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.  Proverbs 15:4

One Sunday evening while in college, I was walking to church from my dorm.  It was a short distance, but early on I met up with an older lady attending the same service.  As we walked, she made a statement that judgmental and uninformed which has frustrated me all these years.  Her comment left me in an awful position: to agree with her was to insult my mother and to disagree was to insult my father.  Those words crushed my spirit and still raise a fair amount of ire every time I think about them.  In contrast, the words of my dear friend Rosemary were always soothing…even in her reprimands.  She consistently knew how I was feeling without asking.  If she thought I wasn’t taking care of myself properly, I was scolded.  Not giving her a hug right away also elicited a gentle rebuke.  One thing was certain; at some point in our conversation she would tell me she loved me.  The statement was regularly followed with “I mean that” in a tone of certainty that only someone from Eastern Ohio/Western Pennsylvania could produce.  Rosemary has gone to her eternal reward and her presence is missed every time I enter the sanctuary because she was such a blessing to me.  What these two examples reflect is that our words have great potential to harm or the sooth. 

There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 12:18

Rash words have significant and uncontrollable consequences.  By definition, they are not soothing, but rather wounding.  Consider again, my first example.  The words cut deeply into my soul; they angered me; and they left a memory that recurs uninvited inflicting the damage anew over and over again.  Consequently the harm has been long lasting.  Those words have also impacted everyone with whom I engage.  Her words as well as the rash words of others in the Christian community have left a mark that has caused me to be very cautious.  Consequently, I am much more guarded with Christians than non-Christians as experience has taught me that I am treated with greater respect, acceptance, grace and kindness by those outside the church.  Thankfully, the consistent and determined soothing words of Rosemary (and others like her) have had a healing effect and allow me to remain hopeful of healthy relationships within the church family. 

When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.  Proverbs 10:19

There are times when the soothing tongue is the silent tongue.  2 Corinthians 12:20 and other passages like it instruct us to refrain from gossiping or associating with those who do.  More specifically, Proverbs 10:17 tells us that we foster love when we conceal a transgression.  Whether it is a transgression that we need to forgive or one that requires us to quietly speak the truth with grace to correct them, the matter should not be discussed with others.  Finally, no matter how innocently intended, we need to be careful when we share “news” about others as there are many ways that we may do harm.  We may inadvertently: break a confidence; add commentary that may or may not be entirely truthful; dredge up old wounds; rekindle strife or quarrels; or become divisive.  To drive the point home, Proverbs 21:23 reminds us that when we guard our mouth and our tongue, we not only protect others, but we protect our own souls from troubles.  To live and love well is to judiciously limit what we say to and about others.    

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.   1 Thessalonians 5:11

Out of curiosity, I quickly did a search to see if anyone had determined how many soothing comments that it takes to overcome an unkind comment.  One article in a Christian publication stated that a minimum it was 2:1.  However, in marriage, some felt that it was likely 5:1.  Another study quoted in “Harvard Business Review” looked at work groups.  They found that business units with medium effectiveness had 1.9 (almost 2:1) positive comments for every criticism.  However, in highly effective units, the ratio was 5.6:1…almost six positive comments to offset each critical one.  These articles were older than I would have liked, but make the point that criticism does damage and we don’t get over it easily.  Knowing this better than we do, God repeatedly instructs us to guard what we say and to encourage one another.  While it’s a good starting point, an apology alone will not overcome a thoughtless word.  Consequently, it is much better to guard our tongues and speak soothing words of encouragement rather than make destructive comments.

Looking forward

I don’t like recalling past hurts as they have great potential to stir up much angst that has little relevance now.  The only value that they really have is to remind me to diligently guard my own comments to others.  While I have been harmed by more than one unkind comment, I shudder to think how many I’ve made inadvertently or in the heat of a disagreement.  For the pain inflicted on me, I must truly forgive just as I must seek forgiveness for the hurt I have caused.  Thankfully, the example set for me by Rosemary and others like her point me in the right direction. 

May God grant us all the maturity and godly direction to guard our words well so that they are a soothing balm and encouragement others.   When we are harmed by the words of another, may we find solace in the soothing words and promises of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.

Will

See also: Pleasant Words and Abominations and The Words that we Speak

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“Evil plans are an abomination to the Lord, but pleasant words are pure.”  Proverbs 15:26

I recently spent a couple of weeks with my mother-in-law.  As she likes to listen to the news a lot, I heard just about every broadcast regarding the Judge Kavanaugh hearings.  Our culture seems to have lost the concept that people are innocent until proven guilty.  As I listened, to the newscasts, I was struck by the fact that I was listening to them in Danvers, Massachusetts.  For those who are unaware or need a refresher, Danvers was originally Salem Village.  In the late 1600’s the town held witch trials that resulted in the death of 25 people…19 were hung and another six died in custody.  (One of the victims was Rebecca Nurse whose house is shown above.  See also Britannica.com)  The trials started due to the behaviors of some girls that could not be explained medically and were, therefore, assumed to be satanic.  Lack of information, bad assumptions, and false accusations led to a tragic end.  The words of the girls and others involved led to the abominable deaths of innocent parties.  Contrary to the poem many of us learned in grade school, words have the power to harm and destroy; they also have the power to heal and encourage.   That’s why our use of words is so important.

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“The bowl of flour was not exhausted nor did the jar of oil become empty, according to the word of the Lord which He spoke through Elijah.”  1 Kings 17:16

The passage above is from the story of Elijah and the widow in Zarephath.  God sent Elijah to this particular widow for provision during a drought.  When he asked for bread, she replied that she only had enough oil and flour to make bread for her and her son one last time and then they expected to die.  Elijah asked her to feed him first promising that her provisions would not be exhausted.  She obeyed and her meager provisions lasted until the rain returned.  (You can read the whole story here. (www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Kings+17%3A7-16&version=NASB)

I think of this story often as it has been associated in my mind with anything that is running out.  About the time I’m tempted to throw out the shampoo bottle or tube of tooth paste that has very little left, I think of this story.  More times than not when I’ve resisted that urge, the bottle, tube or whatever has lasted much longer than I expected.  Case in point, the hair gel that I am currently using has lasted three weeks longer than anticipated.   I trust that the Holy Spirit has made this connection in my mind to remind me that I am dependent on God for all things and that He will supply my needs.  It is subtle but effective.  At times God provides in great way, but most often He provides just enough at just the right time in a subtle fashion.

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“If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence.  If I should say, ‘My foot has slipped,’ Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up.  When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”  Psalm 94:17-19

I was preparing to go to yet another funeral this morning and was looking for peace within my own heart.  In this case, it was not a close friend, but rather the husband of someone I admire and have great affection for.  His widow is a dear soul and a godly woman who has been so kind to me that I ache for her.  We also have various connections with some of her children through church and business dealings.  In fact, her son is one of the morticians that helped with both of my parents’ funerals.  In short they are a family that I have great respect for as they regularly exhibit both kindness and integrity.  With that on my mind as I spent time with God this morning, He brought Psalm 94 to me…or more specifically, verse 19 and reminded me that this is one of those times to trust Him to be all that we need.  While the context of the psalm speaks to “evil doers”, the basic message still applies to all of our circumstances.  Consider each verse carefully.

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I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.  Ephesians 1:18-19

As I sit down to write, I am anticipating cataract surgery for my right eye in the morning.  Lord willing, by the time this is posted I will have had successful surgery and will be healing.  I went through this process a few months ago with my left eye.  It healed well and my vision in that eye is much better.  I hope to have the same result this time.  While I look forward to the outcome, I do not look forward to the process.  As surgeries go, this isn’t too bad.  However, the annoyance of the intended injury that will need to heal, the irritation during the healing process and the restrictions to my lifestyle are slightly frustrating.  While experience is somewhat painful and tiring, the benefit of visual clarity will certainly worth the inconvenience.  As I look back over my life, I find that the same is true with my soul.

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“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ”  Ephesians 2:4-5

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”  Ephesians 4:31-32

This series of posts is dedicated to my mother Ruth as she is the inspiration.   She was not a perfect person and certainly did not have an easy life, but she loved well, loved her Lord and clung to His promises.

Sometime around 1945-1946 while my parents were dating, my mother stopped by her home to pick up some belongings.  Due to a previous altercation, she attempted to do this while her father was not at home.  Sadly, he was.  After a loud argument and in a drunken rage he pushed her down the steep flight of stairs between their apartment and the outside entrance.  My father, hearing the argument, ran into the house and up the stairs in time to catch my mother from behind while her mother grabbed her skirt from the landing above.  Roughly eight to ten years later, my grandmother filed for a legal separation and her attorney made this incident the basis of his case.  Having to relive this event would upset my mother and haunt her for years.   But in the midst of that pain, God in His mercy caused my grandfather to be so horrified by the details of this event that he stopped drinking and asked my mother for forgiveness.  God in His mercy gave my mother the ability to forgive him and allowed the relationship to be restored.  It paved the way for my siblings and I to know our grandfather.

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“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13

Throughout our lives there are many issues that are sources of stress and conflict.  Our normal tendency is the “fight or flight” response that brings with it anxiety and frustration.  Yet as Christians we’re called to be peaceful and encouraged to seek peace.

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“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits; who pardons all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases.”  Psalm 103:2-3

Several years after I became ill, my wife and I participated in a study of the book “Experiencing God”.  That study was the first in a series of events over several years that would help me understand my illness from God’s perspective.  One night during the small group review of our homework, Psalm 103 was discussed.  As the group reviewed these verses, the frustration with my illness and the seeming lack of concern on God’s part became overwhelming and I left the room in tears.  I could not understand Psalm 103:3 in the context of my health issues and it hurt deeply.  I knew that I was probably missing the point of the text, but the words were haunting me.

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