To You, Lord, I call;
My rock, do not be deaf to me,
For if You are silent to me,
I will become like those who go down to the pit. Psalm 28:1

Part 1 – Defense Against Despair

It’s been almost a year since my last post.  That was certainly not my intent.  However, life’s demands, responsibilities, and frustrations all played a part in the silence.  While a few have asked about that silence and whether or not I intend to continue to blog (which, Lord willing, is my plan), I seriously doubt that the lack of these blog posts has caused anyone great consternation. Conversely, as David indicates in the passage above, the silence of God is another matter.   

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You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.  Psalm 88:8

As I read Psalm 88, it seems to address in varying degrees our current situation. Due to the current pandemic, the world is more limited and isolated than usual.  Not only that, but there seems to be a sense of mutual loathing between those with compromised health and those who are relatively healthy.    The former fear that some do not take the guidelines seriously enough and may further compromise their fragile world while the latter may not appreciate the just how fragile some of our health situations are and deem those concerned as overly cautious.  Admittedly, having been tested this week for Covid-19 following a rough respiratory infection, I’m somewhere in the middle of the scenario.  I want us to be safe, but don’t want people cruelly criticizing others without knowing their stories…there are those who have legitimate reasons to be out and about.  No matter what perspective one takes, we are for the most part, “shut up and cannot go out”.

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A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent.  Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury; for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had to live on.”  Mark 12:42-44

In an attempt to get more familiar with our new surroundings, Marie and I ventured out to a diner that we hadn’t tried yet.  As we walked in, I noticed a young man serving as a busboy.  It only took a fraction of a second to recognize that he was both physically and mentally challenged.   Some might conclude that he had little to offer, yet here he was providing a service for the restaurant and its patrons.  During our meal, I also observed that despite his challenges, he appeared to communicate a kind heart as he interacted with a few of the customers as they came in or left.  Whether it is due to self-perception, physical handicap, chronic illness, or some other limitation or trial, many of us often feel as though we have little value and little to offer because our resources are lacking in some form or fashion.  As the passage above indicates, God is more concerned about what we do with our resources rather than how grand they are.  In that regard, consider how expectations, assumptions, and actions relate to our offerings to God and man.  

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Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  1 Thessalonians 5:23

As I sit down to write, there are stain and varnish fumes invading the main level of our home and a jackhammer running in the basement in an effort to improve our property.  We purchased this house at the end of September.  It is now nearing the end of January and despite a significant number of improvements already completed, there is still much work to do.  It’s been a long and frustrating process.  Repeatedly I find myself anxious and overwhelmed by the long list of repairs, the improvements needed, and the cost to complete them.  However, in my frustration, I also see parallels between our house and my soul.  More specifically, I’m referring to the vision, the challenges, the cost, and the anxiety associated with any spiritual improvement.

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Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

During the advent season, many are looking forward to time shared with family and friends, however, others of us may find that this time of year has more challenges than pleasures.  Gatherings present various issues for me.  The biggest challenge is food.  I have to navigate what is available so that I eat enough without getting so sick that I can’t enjoy myself.  Clothing is another challenge as I am very sensitive to both fabrics and temperature.  What may work one day may not on another.  An additional hurdle is a heightened “flight or fight” response.  Consequently, my physical response to uncomfortable social situations and personality differences are often exacerbated.  While I will enjoy those with whom I celebrate, there are many others that I wish the celebrations would include, but will not; they will be sorely missed.  There are also uncertainties in our life making this holiday season less than carefree.  I am not alone in any of this as I recognize that many will find it difficult to enjoy the holidays this year due to their own health issues, the rigors of travel, the loss of loved ones, family conflicts, etc.  Yet in our trials, we should still seek to experience the peace, hope, and joy that our Savior provides. 

With all of the activities of this year, I am already spent so I must admit that I am less than enthused with respect to any more activities that make significant demands of me.  However, I realize that celebrating the incarnation of Christ and the time spent with family will have benefits both spiritually and emotionally.  I believe our ever gracious Savior understands my weakness and placed Isaiah 41:10 before me in light of the advent season as a reminder of my true source of peace, hope and joy.

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Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Matthew 6:19-21 

Moving, breaking up housekeeping, and disposing of the possessions belonging to someone who has died are events in life that painfully remind us that our possessions have the ability to weigh us down.  Having just moved, we are very aware of how much we have despite having tried on several occasions to reduce our household goods.  As this move was somewhat sudden, I’m sure that we have moved many things that we would have discarded with more time to sort and pack.  We have also acquired items that the previous owners left in our new home.  Another painful reminder of how much we have is that we are making major repairs to our home so we are literally tripping over boxes as we wait for the work to be completed before we unpack.  Consequently, my mind keeps pondering passages like the one above that caution us about having too many possessions.  While there are certainly more thoughts on the matter, I believe that Christ’s warnings about wealth were born out of concern for our well-being, stewardship, and focus.  To be sure, they are in intertwined but each raises different nuances.

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The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  Proverbs 16:9

As reflected in the passage above, we often make plans only to have them changed or redirected.  Such is the case today.  I have two posts partially written but I’m not up to the task of creating.  The weather has turned and my body is reacting.  Further recent events in our life have me distracted and unsettled which also affects me physically.  As frustrating as it is, it is a common dilemma in my life.  In an attempt to be more in tune with my physical limitations and not exacerbate the situation, I have decided to reuse a post from two years ago.  It’s not my first choice, but it is the prudent one and a nuance of accepting the realities of my life with some measure of grace.  Change is inevitable and as I contemplate the changes that God has made to various plans throughout my life and the lives of those I love, four reasons that come to mind are: redirection, placement, refinement, and grace.

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Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

This spring I was finally diagnosed after a 27 year wait.  A fresh perspective, advances in technology, and a better understanding of the human body have come together provide the relevant information for a conclusive finding.  During that time there was much angst, frustration, concern and of course much prayer on our behalf.  I regularly went to the Lord throughout that time, however, the tone and nature of my prayers changed as God used my poor health to mature my perspective.  At first I prayed that God would relieve my pain.  After some time, I began to ask for His grace to endure this illness.  Having given up my career and studying the matter in earnest, I began to request that God would instruct me.  I have now come to the point that I beseech our Father in Heaven to use my trials to allow me to be a minister of His mercy to others.    While I make no claims to being the best student or a perfect model of godliness, I am grateful that God has matured my faith and has kept me looking to Him for solace and direction.  To be sure waiting on God can be difficult.  Scripture is full of examples of those that tried to hurry things along rather than wait on God.  Yet, in order to patiently and graciously wait on God we must keep in mind that He will hear us, He is our hope, and He will be good to us.

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Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

It’s often said that the only constant in life is change.  That has been true for us this summer.  Within our family: we have sold or are selling four homes, buying three, two families have moved, Marie and I are in the process, our three grandsons have changed schools, Adrienne and Tom just got married, and Adrienne has gone from single woman to wife and mother.  I’m sure there are more changes, but that’s about all my mind can process at the moment.  Most of these changes are intentional.  The boys, however, had no say in the matter, but seem to be adapting reasonably well.  As reflected in our family’s situations this summer, some change is chosen and some is not.  No matter whether we choose change or whether it is thrust upon us without our consent, there are usually benefits that are enjoyed and challenges that cause frustration.  It is incumbent upon us to recognize that both are God’s will for us and must be received graciously and thankfully.

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His master said to him, “Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.”  Matthew 25:23

This past weekend, my daughter and I performed the father daughter dance at her wedding reception.  It was not flawless, but it was fun and was, by the accounts of others, beautiful and well done.  However, those three minutes and thirty-one seconds of dancing were the end result of hours of instruction and practice.  Throughout the last few months there was a fair amount of perseverance for both of us.  My daughter was juggling work, moving, wedding planning, dance lessons with her husband, and at the end a sinus infection in addition to lessons with me.  For my part, the normal responsibilities of life, the extra activity necessary for the wedding preparations as well as getting our home ready for company and the frequent dance lessons caused by body to get too run down.  On one occasion my wife and our dance instructor ended a dance lesson shortly after we began because I was too fatigued to function well.  The Monday and Tuesday prior to the wedding, I was also struggling to do anything of value.  In short, the celebratory dance that was enjoyed was culmination of a fair amount of graceful perseverance.  It was a series of choices to take risks and rise above adversity to live well.  It was choosing perseverance.

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