How blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments. He will not fear evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.   Psalm 112:1,7

In the spring of 1996 my wife and I left around 7 a.m. to take our older daughter to play in a soccer tournament.  As we began to walk onto the fields searching for Adrienne’s team, I noticed people pointing at us and a police officer walking towards us.  I knew that we were about to receive bad news and dread began to fill my soul.  My fears centered around our younger daughter who was not with us and my mother who had been ill.  I could not bear the thought of anything happening to either of them.  The police officer informed us that my mother had passed away around the time that we left our home and that my father had contacted them to inform us.  In that moment my strength left and I dropped to my knees filled with both grief and relief.  I grieved my mother’s passing and was greatly relieved that Christine was ok.  Since that day, I have learned much about dreaded news through experience and the faith of fellow servants of our Lord. 

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Cease striving and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10a

Despite my chronic illness, I would be considered by many to still be high functioning and unless one knows me, they would be unlikely to recognize my limitations.  I have learned over time that when I yield to the needs of my body for rest and watch what I eat, I can function somewhat normally; that said I still struggle.   It’s a challenge not to worry about the cost of my illness both financially and as a source of stress to myself, my family and close friends.  I also struggle to maintain some sense of control; if I can’t fix my illness than I try to fix other things that don’t matter in the larger scale as they provide some sense of reassurance that things are ok.  I also struggle with my self-image.  Physically I want to appear normal yet not so normal that people think I’m a hypochondriac.  It’s a common struggle for those of us with invisible illnesses.  Further, I want to be relevant and useful, but feel that is regularly not the case.  The verse above is displayed in our den right beside our TV.  I’ve put it there for two reasons.  First it is the primary focal point of the room and my focal point needs to be God’s sovereignty over all things.  Second, it sits next to the TV as a reminder that God is the final authority on whatever the world offers as truth.  Part of that truth is that I need to let go and trust God. 

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“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”  Matthew 16:26

Trust is a fairly basic concept as it rests solely on confidence.  That confidence relies on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of some entity or object.  In contrast, what we consider valuable in our lives and how much we fear losing those things varies from person to person due to maturity, faith, relationships, life experiences, etc.  Another contrast between the two is the impact on our well-being.  Trust provides calm, healing and peace while fear brings distraction, stress and destruction.  Fear comes in varying degrees and for various reasons but consider the following factors of fear: the object, the measurement, the security and the trustee.

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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

My wife and I went to a dinner theater last week with my aunt, uncle and a few of their friends.  Shortly before the intermission, one of the ladies in our group collapsed into the lap of the woman sitting next to her.  Admittedly, given her symptoms, most of us thought that she was dying.  Thankfully, by the time the ambulance arrived, she had recovered enough to walk to the gurney.  After spending the night in the hospital, she was released with a heart monitor.  Aside from the obvious concerns for those involved, it raised a deeply rooted fear of my own.  As much as I accept God’s will in my life, the thought of a public medical emergency still haunts me…and I’ve had a few.  For many of us, it raises concerns about embarrassment, image, and acceptance.  Ultimately, we cannot control the events of our lives, but we can control our response to them with a bit of truth.

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“Trouble and anguish have come upon me, yet Your commandments are my delight. Your testimonies are righteous forever; give me understanding that I may live.” Psalm 119:143-144

Trouble…it seems like a simple enough word to understand.   However, when looking at definitions from secular sources, those provided were vague and had more to do with how trouble affects our comfort level or convenience rather than anything significant.  In contrast, “Vine’s Bible Dictionary” states it clearly as:  tribulation or affliction.  Trouble comes in many forms.  At times it is the result of a personal attack while at other times it is and “random”/general attack that we’re caught in.  It may be an external threat or an internal one such as mental or physical illness.  The point is that, as those living in a fallen world, we are going to experience trouble throughout our lives from the trivial to the monumental.  We will enjoy a more peaceful existence if we learn to view it as God does and trust that He is ever faithful to care for us.  One of the mental hurdles for us is that from our perspective, God’s care for us appears to be inconsistent.

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Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things.  Philippians 3:17-19

I love music and listen to it quite a bit.  Sometimes I use it to calm me or rearrange my thoughts, sometimes I listen to get motivated and at other times it’s for the pure enjoyment of it.  My collection is quite varied in both genres and eras as it ranges from the 1930s to the present.  Recently, I was at the gym and the song “Lady Godiva” by Peter and Gordon started playing.  While some may not appreciate the song, I listen to it occasionally as a reminder to not get caught up in “lesser things”.  In case you’re not familiar or haven’t heard the song in the last five decades, the lyrics tell the story of a young and beautiful woman pursues fame and fortune.  In the process, she compromises and forfeits all of the things that made her beautiful, but never achieves the fame that she desires and becomes so poor that she can’t afford her clothes.  God offers us so much, but too often people get off course with respect to godliness and forfeit their faith for lesser things that are useless and meaningless in light of eternity.  Time and time again we are reminded in scripture to pursue God and His truth in various ways and the reasons are clearly explained to us.  However, some reject the concept, some ignore it, while others struggle with it.  Three reasons why it may be difficult are: hope, pride, and fear.

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I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.  He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.  He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.  Psalm 40:1-3

In 1995 I had a grand mal seizure and was put on seizure medication without a thorough investigation of the circumstances.  We would learn later that I did not need it.  Problematically, if you take seizure medication and don’t need it, it can cause seizures.  Consequently, for the next nine years I endured petit mals or absence seizures.  The first one occurred after my wife and I returned home from a dance.  While we were talking with our children, Marie noticed that my expression changed to a vacant stare.  In order to avoid alarming our children she moved close to me, took my hand, lead me to our bedroom and had me sit down.  In a few moments I returned to normal function.  Through experimentation and discussion, we learned that while I could not initiate movement or speech, I could be led by others and I could nod faintly in response to yes or no questions.  However, for the most part I was immobilized and temporarily stuck in a very confining world.  As I think about those seizures, I’m reminded of times when I’ve been stuck in life.  Usually, I’m immobilized by one of three things:  fear, fatigue or indecision.  Can you relate?

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“Lord, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days; let me know how transient I am.  Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah.  Surely every man walks about as a phantom; surely they make an uproar for nothing; he amasses riches and does not know who will gather them.  And now, Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in You.”  Psalm 39:4-7

Last week I suggested to my wife that we go on a WaveRunner tour which we did.  To understand the significance of that statement, you need to understand that while I love going to the ocean, I’m not a fan of venturing very far out into the ocean.  When I do, I like it to be on a very large boat, e.g. cruise ships, ferries, etc. and I prefer to have land in sight at all times because, in a word, I’m fearful. 

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“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor.  He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed.”  Luke 4:18

Last week was an interesting week.  First, I met with a new GI doctor who is clearly the first specialist to look at my medical history in total rather than just his area of expertise.  The result is that he feels that the diagnosis that has governed my care for the last 23 years is probably inaccurate.  In short, it is too myopic and does not consider that there is possibly an underlying problem that ties my various health issues together.  While I should be ecstatic that he cares enough to take a fresh look at things, it is unsettling to go back to the world of “undiagnosed” and start the diagnostic process over.

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I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.  He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.  He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.  Psalm 40:1-3

In 1995 I had a grand mal seizure and was put on seizure medication without a thorough investigation of the circumstances.  We would learn later that I did not need it.  Problematically, if you take seizure medication and don’t need it, it can cause seizures.  Consequently, for the next nine years I endured petit mals or absence seizures.

Continue Reading…

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