Cease striving and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a
Despite my chronic illness, I would be considered by many to still be high functioning and unless one knows me, they would be unlikely to recognize my limitations. I have learned over time that when I yield to the needs of my body for rest and watch what I eat, I can function somewhat normally; that said I still struggle. It’s a challenge not to worry about the cost of my illness both financially and as a source of stress to myself, my family and close friends. I also struggle to maintain some sense of control; if I can’t fix my illness than I try to fix other things that don’t matter in the larger scale as they provide some sense of reassurance that things are ok. I also struggle with my self-image. Physically I want to appear normal yet not so normal that people think I’m a hypochondriac. It’s a common struggle for those of us with invisible illnesses. Further, I want to be relevant and useful, but feel that is regularly not the case. The verse above is displayed in our den right beside our TV. I’ve put it there for two reasons. First it is the primary focal point of the room and my focal point needs to be God’s sovereignty over all things. Second, it sits next to the TV as a reminder that God is the final authority on whatever the world offers as truth. Part of that truth is that I need to let go and trust God.
In Psalm 46, a Psalm about the trials of life and God’s reassurance, we are told to “cease striving”. Synonyms are “be still”, “relax” and “let go”. In the midst of all of our troubles and no matter what happens or how perilous it may be, God is telling us to relax and let go. In other words, He’s telling us to let go of worry, let go of control and let go of our ego because as the apostle Paul put it, God “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.” (Ephesians 3:20) If we are to let go of all of those things that hold us back, we must know that God has a plan, is in control, and is certainly able to accomplish His will both for us individually and as part of the grander scale.
“Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker—An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands’?” Isaiah 45:9
On the broader scale a huge component of worry is our will. While we may know that God is good, just, loving, able, etc., we fear that His will or His plan for us may not be in alignment with our own. In my case, despite the prayers of many, I was not healed so I am called to live with chronic pain and fatigue. Further He has seen fit to end my career. While I would not have chosen this life, I have never thought it fitting to challenge God in this matter. In my illness I must believe what I have always known to be true…that my life is to be lived to the glory of God and that whatever He ordains is in my life is for my good. More specific details of worry are that we fear pain, inconvenience, death, financial loss, separation from friends and family, and loss of independence among other things. In short we are afraid of change not implemented by us. It is really a form of doubt. As an accountant, I have fears about our finances, despite God’s continued provisions for us. We are not wealthy but we truly want for nothing. My mother’s death unraveled my family of origin, so I fear what my death or the death of my wife would do to our small clan. These are two of my many fears. Yet, to know God is to know that He who created the universe from nothing and loved us enough to sacrifice His son, is able to fashion my life in a manner that brings Him glory, is good for me. To know God is to submit my will to His trusting that He is able to sustain me and those I love no matter what we face. To know God is share my concerns with Him, let go of the worry and accept His peace.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
As a former accountant and auditor the concept of internal controls was drilled into me. Due to both nurture and nature, I am a recovering perfectionist. The two go hand in hand to make giving up control incredibly difficult. Yet in many ways, the whole concept of control has its laughable elements as I am never really in control. Yes I am responsible for controlling my behavior and my beliefs as well as managing the affairs of my life to the best of my ability. However, I cannot control who rises to power, natural disasters, the illness in my body, the behavior of others, etc. I can protect those I love to a degree, but I cannot provide absolute protection for them from all harm. To know God, to trust God with all my heart and to acknowledge Him is to accept the responsibilities that He has given me while recognizing the ultimately He is in complete control. In so doing, I let go, relax and allow Him to guide my life and the lives of those I love trusting Him implicitly even when I do not understand.
But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6
Let’s face it; our egos easily get in the way of completely submitting ourselves to God. We are concerned about our self-worth as well as how others view us. We want to: be independent, be intelligent, be good looking, feel loved, and have some sense of power and accomplishment. We want these things because historians and culture teach us that they are evidence of our value. There’s the rub, society views our value differently than God and we get caught in the crossfire. We forget that everything that we have was provided by God. Our value comes from God alone as we are His creation and made in His image. Our heart or our mindset is what is important to God; more specifically, do we love God and our fellow man? Living and loving well as children of God are the most important factors to Him. Several places in script
ure remind us to be humble and be willing to serve our fellow man. When we are too frail to serve, we still have value to God and to others as we interact with them and allow them to care for our needs. When we let go of our egos and the world’s expectations allowing God to reshape us according His will, we find blessing and peace. To know God is to know that He will make us into something more beautiful than the world could ever conceive of. Further, to know God is to know that keeping our eyes on eternity allows us to remember that our being in the next life will be exponentially better that what we are in this life.
To know God is to humble ourselves and recognize His vast wisdom and power which are beyond our capability to understand. It is that humility that allows us to accept His love, His sustaining grace and His peace.