To You, Lord, I call;
My rock, do not be deaf to me,
For if You are silent to me,
I will become like those who go down to the pit. Psalm 28:1

Part 1 – Defense Against Despair

It’s been almost a year since my last post.  That was certainly not my intent.  However, life’s demands, responsibilities, and frustrations all played a part in the silence.  While a few have asked about that silence and whether or not I intend to continue to blog (which, Lord willing, is my plan), I seriously doubt that the lack of these blog posts has caused anyone great consternation. Conversely, as David indicates in the passage above, the silence of God is another matter.   

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You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.  Psalm 88:8

As I read Psalm 88, it seems to address in varying degrees our current situation. Due to the current pandemic, the world is more limited and isolated than usual.  Not only that, but there seems to be a sense of mutual loathing between those with compromised health and those who are relatively healthy.    The former fear that some do not take the guidelines seriously enough and may further compromise their fragile world while the latter may not appreciate the just how fragile some of our health situations are and deem those concerned as overly cautious.  Admittedly, having been tested this week for Covid-19 following a rough respiratory infection, I’m somewhere in the middle of the scenario.  I want us to be safe, but don’t want people cruelly criticizing others without knowing their stories…there are those who have legitimate reasons to be out and about.  No matter what perspective one takes, we are for the most part, “shut up and cannot go out”.

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Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  1 Thessalonians 5:23

As I sit down to write, there are stain and varnish fumes invading the main level of our home and a jackhammer running in the basement in an effort to improve our property.  We purchased this house at the end of September.  It is now nearing the end of January and despite a significant number of improvements already completed, there is still much work to do.  It’s been a long and frustrating process.  Repeatedly I find myself anxious and overwhelmed by the long list of repairs, the improvements needed, and the cost to complete them.  However, in my frustration, I also see parallels between our house and my soul.  More specifically, I’m referring to the vision, the challenges, the cost, and the anxiety associated with any spiritual improvement.

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My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

Yet again I find myself failing.  I have done what I can to pace myself, but my body is weak and does not seem to be up to the task these days, therefore, this will be brief. 

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How blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments. He will not fear evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.   Psalm 112:1,7

In the spring of 1996 my wife and I left around 7 a.m. to take our older daughter to play in a soccer tournament.  As we began to walk onto the fields searching for Adrienne’s team, I noticed people pointing at us and a police officer walking towards us.  I knew that we were about to receive bad news and dread began to fill my soul.  My fears centered around our younger daughter who was not with us and my mother who had been ill.  I could not bear the thought of anything happening to either of them.  The police officer informed us that my mother had passed away around the time that we left our home and that my father had contacted them to inform us.  In that moment my strength left and I dropped to my knees filled with both grief and relief.  I grieved my mother’s passing and was greatly relieved that Christine was ok.  Since that day, I have learned much about dreaded news through experience and the faith of fellow servants of our Lord. 

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From whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.  Ephesians 4:16 

Our new neighborhood has sidewalks on the back side of each property creating nice series of paths.  As I was walking our dog the other day, I noticed the variety of back yards.  Most have either no fence or chain link fencing while a few have privacy fences.  As Marie and I considered what to do about our own which needs some work, we have agreed that we prefer the chain link as it keeps our yard open to meeting and greeting our neighbors.  This discussion caused me to consider not only our yard but our life style and personalities.  In other words, do we live our lives in ways that invite others in or do we put up barriers?  While it’s very easy to do for a variety of reasons, Christ desires that we love well living in community rather than in isolation.

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Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

This spring I was finally diagnosed after a 27 year wait.  A fresh perspective, advances in technology, and a better understanding of the human body have come together provide the relevant information for a conclusive finding.  During that time there was much angst, frustration, concern and of course much prayer on our behalf.  I regularly went to the Lord throughout that time, however, the tone and nature of my prayers changed as God used my poor health to mature my perspective.  At first I prayed that God would relieve my pain.  After some time, I began to ask for His grace to endure this illness.  Having given up my career and studying the matter in earnest, I began to request that God would instruct me.  I have now come to the point that I beseech our Father in Heaven to use my trials to allow me to be a minister of His mercy to others.    While I make no claims to being the best student or a perfect model of godliness, I am grateful that God has matured my faith and has kept me looking to Him for solace and direction.  To be sure waiting on God can be difficult.  Scripture is full of examples of those that tried to hurry things along rather than wait on God.  Yet, in order to patiently and graciously wait on God we must keep in mind that He will hear us, He is our hope, and He will be good to us.

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Over the past few months, I have been struggling to manage everything going on in my life. You may have notice that the weekly quotes, verse of the day etc. have been discontinued the past few months. I have been trying to keep up the blog, but this week I have come to the decision that I need to take a couple of weeks off. As we are moving next week our home needs to be packed up and we will have to sort things out in our new home. God has blessed us greatly in this transition. However, I have not done a good job pacing myself so I ask for your understanding. Lord willing, I plan to resume the blog the first week in October.

Blessings

Will

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Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

It’s often said that the only constant in life is change.  That has been true for us this summer.  Within our family: we have sold or are selling four homes, buying three, two families have moved, Marie and I are in the process, our three grandsons have changed schools, Adrienne and Tom just got married, and Adrienne has gone from single woman to wife and mother.  I’m sure there are more changes, but that’s about all my mind can process at the moment.  Most of these changes are intentional.  The boys, however, had no say in the matter, but seem to be adapting reasonably well.  As reflected in our family’s situations this summer, some change is chosen and some is not.  No matter whether we choose change or whether it is thrust upon us without our consent, there are usually benefits that are enjoyed and challenges that cause frustration.  It is incumbent upon us to recognize that both are God’s will for us and must be received graciously and thankfully.

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His master said to him, “Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.”  Matthew 25:23

This past weekend, my daughter and I performed the father daughter dance at her wedding reception.  It was not flawless, but it was fun and was, by the accounts of others, beautiful and well done.  However, those three minutes and thirty-one seconds of dancing were the end result of hours of instruction and practice.  Throughout the last few months there was a fair amount of perseverance for both of us.  My daughter was juggling work, moving, wedding planning, dance lessons with her husband, and at the end a sinus infection in addition to lessons with me.  For my part, the normal responsibilities of life, the extra activity necessary for the wedding preparations as well as getting our home ready for company and the frequent dance lessons caused by body to get too run down.  On one occasion my wife and our dance instructor ended a dance lesson shortly after we began because I was too fatigued to function well.  The Monday and Tuesday prior to the wedding, I was also struggling to do anything of value.  In short, the celebratory dance that was enjoyed was culmination of a fair amount of graceful perseverance.  It was a series of choices to take risks and rise above adversity to live well.  It was choosing perseverance.

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