To You, Lord, I call;
My rock, do not be deaf to me,
For if You are silent to me,
I will become like those who go down to the pit. Psalm 28:1

Part 1 – Defense Against Despair

It’s been almost a year since my last post.  That was certainly not my intent.  However, life’s demands, responsibilities, and frustrations all played a part in the silence.  While a few have asked about that silence and whether or not I intend to continue to blog (which, Lord willing, is my plan), I seriously doubt that the lack of these blog posts has caused anyone great consternation. Conversely, as David indicates in the passage above, the silence of God is another matter.   

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You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.  Psalm 88:8

As I read Psalm 88, it seems to address in varying degrees our current situation. Due to the current pandemic, the world is more limited and isolated than usual.  Not only that, but there seems to be a sense of mutual loathing between those with compromised health and those who are relatively healthy.    The former fear that some do not take the guidelines seriously enough and may further compromise their fragile world while the latter may not appreciate the just how fragile some of our health situations are and deem those concerned as overly cautious.  Admittedly, having been tested this week for Covid-19 following a rough respiratory infection, I’m somewhere in the middle of the scenario.  I want us to be safe, but don’t want people cruelly criticizing others without knowing their stories…there are those who have legitimate reasons to be out and about.  No matter what perspective one takes, we are for the most part, “shut up and cannot go out”.

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Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  1 Thessalonians 5:23

As I sit down to write, there are stain and varnish fumes invading the main level of our home and a jackhammer running in the basement in an effort to improve our property.  We purchased this house at the end of September.  It is now nearing the end of January and despite a significant number of improvements already completed, there is still much work to do.  It’s been a long and frustrating process.  Repeatedly I find myself anxious and overwhelmed by the long list of repairs, the improvements needed, and the cost to complete them.  However, in my frustration, I also see parallels between our house and my soul.  More specifically, I’m referring to the vision, the challenges, the cost, and the anxiety associated with any spiritual improvement.

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My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

Yet again I find myself failing.  I have done what I can to pace myself, but my body is weak and does not seem to be up to the task these days, therefore, this will be brief. 

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The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  Proverbs 16:9

As reflected in the passage above, we often make plans only to have them changed or redirected.  Such is the case today.  I have two posts partially written but I’m not up to the task of creating.  The weather has turned and my body is reacting.  Further recent events in our life have me distracted and unsettled which also affects me physically.  As frustrating as it is, it is a common dilemma in my life.  In an attempt to be more in tune with my physical limitations and not exacerbate the situation, I have decided to reuse a post from two years ago.  It’s not my first choice, but it is the prudent one and a nuance of accepting the realities of my life with some measure of grace.  Change is inevitable and as I contemplate the changes that God has made to various plans throughout my life and the lives of those I love, four reasons that come to mind are: redirection, placement, refinement, and grace.

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How blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments. He will not fear evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.   Psalm 112:1,7

In the spring of 1996 my wife and I left around 7 a.m. to take our older daughter to play in a soccer tournament.  As we began to walk onto the fields searching for Adrienne’s team, I noticed people pointing at us and a police officer walking towards us.  I knew that we were about to receive bad news and dread began to fill my soul.  My fears centered around our younger daughter who was not with us and my mother who had been ill.  I could not bear the thought of anything happening to either of them.  The police officer informed us that my mother had passed away around the time that we left our home and that my father had contacted them to inform us.  In that moment my strength left and I dropped to my knees filled with both grief and relief.  I grieved my mother’s passing and was greatly relieved that Christine was ok.  Since that day, I have learned much about dreaded news through experience and the faith of fellow servants of our Lord. 

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From whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.  Ephesians 4:16 

Our new neighborhood has sidewalks on the back side of each property creating nice series of paths.  As I was walking our dog the other day, I noticed the variety of back yards.  Most have either no fence or chain link fencing while a few have privacy fences.  As Marie and I considered what to do about our own which needs some work, we have agreed that we prefer the chain link as it keeps our yard open to meeting and greeting our neighbors.  This discussion caused me to consider not only our yard but our life style and personalities.  In other words, do we live our lives in ways that invite others in or do we put up barriers?  While it’s very easy to do for a variety of reasons, Christ desires that we love well living in community rather than in isolation.

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It’s been a hectic week so I’ve dusted off and tweaked an older post on a topic that is dear to me…especially as a grandfather.

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

Both of my grandfathers were excellent carpenters.  My paternal grandfather made furniture with his brother-in-law while my maternal grandfather made several pieces for our family.  But their skills were not limited to furniture.  Similarly, my father was and my uncle is skilled in carpentry, masonry, electrical work, etc.  Having grown up on a farm, their skills needed to have a broad spectrum.  Sadly, neither my brothers nor I are particularly well trained in those areas.  Certainly, we can all swing a hammer or use a screwdriver, but the level of expertise is greatly diminished.  We grew up in a different era and circumstance which did not make those talents as necessary.  Consequently, our father didn’t feel the same need to train us as his father did.  As a result, the knowledge did not get passed from one generation to the other.   Living with chronic illness requires a special skill set, especially in the spiritual and psychological areas.  It is our trust in God that allows us to live well and the lack of it which causes us to falter.   Whether or not we have children of our own, there will be children (whether infants or grown adults)  in our sphere of influence that we will impact positively or negatively depending on how we face our illness and/or the trials that arise during the course of our lives.

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Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.  Proverbs 4:23

This week we began the process of packing up our house.  I started with a hutch that we are planning to sell.  It took all day as I was vigilant to wrap things carefully…especially the important items.  Nothing we have is worth much.  However, many of the items have significant sentimental value.  Some are gifts while others are dishes that my parents used which evoke emotional responses as well as fond memories.  As I carefully packed each item and placed the most treasured items in boxes that we will personally handle, I was challenged with the thought that I might possibly be putting more energy into protecting mere household goods than I do in protecting my mind, my soul, and the gospel.  That experience has had me pondering this topic all week and challenged my thoughts and behaviors.

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Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

It’s often said that the only constant in life is change.  That has been true for us this summer.  Within our family: we have sold or are selling four homes, buying three, two families have moved, Marie and I are in the process, our three grandsons have changed schools, Adrienne and Tom just got married, and Adrienne has gone from single woman to wife and mother.  I’m sure there are more changes, but that’s about all my mind can process at the moment.  Most of these changes are intentional.  The boys, however, had no say in the matter, but seem to be adapting reasonably well.  As reflected in our family’s situations this summer, some change is chosen and some is not.  No matter whether we choose change or whether it is thrust upon us without our consent, there are usually benefits that are enjoyed and challenges that cause frustration.  It is incumbent upon us to recognize that both are God’s will for us and must be received graciously and thankfully.

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