“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”  Colossians 3:12

Some of the definitions or synonyms of kindness are:  benevolence, humanity, generosity, charity, sympathy, compassion, and tenderness.  As indicated above, scripture calls us to be kind and engage in charitable acts.  However, there are times when our best intentions may not be charitable at all.  For example, the Sunday after I was released from my last major hospitalization, very well intentioned people, who truly cared about my well-being, greeted me with a hug…many of which were quite firm.  The problem was that I had just had a PICC line inserted and every hug involving my left arm was painful…so much so that I had to start doing body checks to protect myself.  Another example was while I was caring for my father.  In the last months of his life, visits from people became difficult for him and anything more than about five minutes would cause stress to the extent that he would beg me to send them away.  Some people graciously accepted the request, but others insisted on staying which created an awkward situation leaving me no choice but to demand that they leave.  My point is that there is a darker side to charitable acts that can, in fact, harm rather than help or encourage.  As in all things concerning godliness, we must be intentional about in our compassion to avoid having a negative impact. 

Another synonym for kindness is understanding.  Proverbs 2:11 says “Discretion will guard you, understanding will watch over you.”  That certainly applies to acts of kindness.  Understanding and/or sensitivity is often the difference between a charitable act and a thoughtless one which actually does more harm than good.  As one who has to be careful about diet to avoid pain, it’s always a blessing when those offering to provide a meal or host us in their home are sensitive to that fact and ask for guidance.  Understanding exactly what the need is and how to fulfill it with love and respect are key to true kindness.

Motivation is another consideration to which Proverbs speaks.  “All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the Lord weighs the motives.” (16:2)  Further, Christ tells us in Matthew 6:1:  “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.”  When engaging in charitable acts, we must consider our true intentions.  We do this not to give ourselves an easy way to avoid the effort, but seeking to truly be kind.  As Steve Estes puts it, deeds done for the wrong reason are “bad good deeds”.  If our actions are driven by our desire for recognition or self-aggrandizement, they become dark, selfish acts rather than charitable ones.  Further, it’s attempting to gain glory for ourselves rather than helping the body of Christ and glorifying God.

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).  This applies to our benevolent deeds as well as our vocations.  When we act as God’s ambassadors, we must represent Him well and do whatever is requested of us to the best of our ability.  It’s not that we compare our work to that of others, but rather that we make the effort to do the deed as well as we can rather than just good enough to get by.  By way of example, we would do well to consider that God chose the best artisans to build the temple; the sacrificial lamb for the Passover was to be spotless and without defect; and most importantly in providing salvation to undeserving sinners, God chose His only Son who was perfect in every way to be sacrificed so that we might have eternal life.

While those of us who are ill are often on the receiving end of various acts of kindness, we must do our part as well.  Often times, we would be better served to communicate our needs or sensitivities.  In the example above, things would have gone better for me had I warned people that my arm was still sore for the procedure.  As I said, these people were friends who genuinely cared and would have stepped back if I said something.  However, I was still adjusting to the idea as this was my second PICC line and I had promised myself earlier that I would not agree to it again.  Further, I didn’t want to offend or embarrass anyone, so I suffered in silence.  In that case, the fault was mostly mine, but the situation has made me sensitive to others in similar circumstances.  If I’m going to hug someone who has recently had surgery or undergone a procedure, that hug is going to be very light or better still, I may ask first.

Thankfully for many, proper benevolence comes naturally, but there are exceptions and there are times when those of us who are normally charitable get too busy or have lapses and need to check ourselves.  I often start the day praying that “the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart would be acceptable to God” for when they are acceptable to God, they will be beneficial to others.  By making the effort to be sensitive and understanding, acting in the best interest of others rather than ourselves and providing help to the best of our ability, we fulfill God’s command, reflect His goodness, are lights in what is often a very dark world, and glorify our God and Father.

As you have opportunity, “let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”  (Matthew 5:16)

Will