“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose.” Philippians 1:21-22
Days after my nineteenth birthday, I was in a car accident with seven college friends. As we drove from the choir concert that we had just finished to a friend’s house so that we could sing at his church the following morning, a drunk driver pulled out in front of us causing us to hit head on. The van we were riding in hit, spun, tipped on its side and slid down the road. In the process of tipping, my face fell into the cutout that would be used if a window had been installed. Since there was none, only the outer layer of the van door stood between my face and the road. As we slid, it was as if God gave me a glimpse into heaven and asked if I would prefer to come home to him or remain in my current life. In my youth and naiveté, I did not fully appreciate the significance of the question and chose what I knew and what I was looking forward to on earth rather than the great benefit of moving to eternity in the presence of our Lord. That question and my choice have left me unsettled throughout my adult life for a variety of reasons.
I have no idea how frequently God raises that particular question with His children, but am certain that it comes in various forms and circumstances which are as unique as the individuals to which it is posed. For martyrs it is a clear choice between faith and earthly life. For some it may be predominantly a matter of accepting God’s plan to end their days with a terminal illness. For others, like me, it may be posed as a choice which has more to do with the state of the soul than the choice itself and be a call to assess one’s soul. It is in this latter context that I would like to address the question.
“Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.” (1 John 2:15-17) The first nuance of this question is where our love lies. Are we so content with and entrenched in the life that we know that we forget that we are “aliens and strangers” who are children of God destined for a permanent home with our Lord? I fear that too often, we move our true identity to the back of our minds assuming that it will only come into play in old age and then we will embrace the call home when we can no longer enjoy life on earth. Quite frankly, this is a first world problem; we are just too comfortable. Even the poorest of us in the US have more options then most in third world countries where Christians readily recognize their true dependence on God. We know that this world will pass away, but do we live with that mindset? Consider Lot’s wife; as she was being rescued from certain destruction, all she had to do was look toward redemption. However, she chose to look back and was destroyed as a result. I have no doubt that our culture would defend her saying things such as: “she needed time to adjust to the idea”, “as a wife a mother, she was being dragged from the home that she had created for her family and it was natural for her to look back”, or more boldly, “it was unfair that God didn’t save her in a more gentle fashion and consider her needs.” The apostle John addresses this and warns that loving this world and the things in it more that God or preferring to live in this world than abiding the presence of Almighty God is “not of the Father”. It’s a godless state no matter how well we decorate it or try to excuse it. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the pleasant aspects of this life that God provides, but they should never become our first love or primary focus for they are truly fleeting.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39) “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8) The other extreme is to be so enamored with going to heaven that we become impatient and deny our responsibilities here on earth. Most certainly we are to be wholly devoted to God, but we must also be mindful of the people that God has placed in our lives and the tasks to which we have been assigned. I can think of no better place to be than in Heaven with our Lord, but to desire it without regard for those who depend upon us is unloving, callous and selfish. It totally denies one’s duties on earth. Yes, we must trust that God will continue to provide and care for those left behind when the time comes, but that is another discussion. Here we are considering our attitude toward God and part of loving and obeying God is being a good steward with respect to the people and tasks assigned to us in this life. When we love them well as He commands, it is a loving act of obedience to Him fulfilling the two great commandments.
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose.” (Philippians 1:21-22) In preparation for this post, I posed this question to the members of our small group. The general consensus was that there were too many factors to consider and every situation would be unique. But the general question is still valid and the apostle Paul addresses it quite succinctly, He doesn’t know which to choose; to live is to serve Christ our Lord and to die is certainly great gain. After some discussion, one of our friends quite appropriately said, “I couldn’t choose, I would have to ask God to decide”, or put as our Lord did, “not my will but Thine be done”. Ours is to accept God’s will…to always be open, trusting and yielding to His leading and His plan ever mindful that we are not at home and shouldn’t get too comfortable until we are at home with Him.
As I said, this question has dogged me much of my adult life and I have experienced errant attitudes in both extremes. As a result of that accident, the driver of our car went to His eternal rest. It could be said that my choice was worldly minded and lacked maturity in faith yet, my parents were spared the crushing blow that his family endured. Later, when illness was wreaking havoc on my body, mind and soul, I craved death…so much so that it was a daily battle not to overdose and being referred to the cancer center brought hope rather than fear. Through it all, God has called me to draw near to Him and invited me to a deeper relationship. It is a relationship that challenges me to put God’s will above my own, to do my best to love well, calls me to minister to those in difficult circumstances and beckons me to live as well as I can within the bounds of my struggles. In that He has redeemed both my errant ways and my illness. I have not arrived, but have been set on a path moving toward Him employing this query as a tool to evaluate my attitudes. It is a choice to live the life that God has designed for me as best I can through the His grace and strength…living to serve Him yet graciously accepting the call home in His timing.
What about you? Do you love this life too much or has life become so difficult that you’re tempted to give up? Are you able to submit to and embrace God’s will for you no matter where it leads? Wherever you are in the spectrum, remember that it is a process. Allow God to work His will in your life. Draw near to Him relying on His strength, His promises and His character. Choose the life that He has planned for you on earth…embrace it with all of the joys and frustrations and happily choose life in the presence of God when He beckons you to come Home recognizing that it is great gain.
May God supply you with the grace and strength to do His will and abide forever,
Will