Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.   Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

A few weeks ago, I took my wife’s car in for service.  While working on it, they found that three of the light bulbs were out and asked if I wanted them to replace them.  After a brief discussion, I decided to try to save some money and do it myself.  While simple enough for many, it was not that for me.  As is the case with many of us with chronic illness, I had to mentally gear up for something new, get the parts and then have the energy to attack the project.  Knowing my limitations, I searched for and reviewed a few “how to” videos.  The light bulb over the license plate didn’t go quite as instructed or planned but I managed to get it replaced after a fair amount of effort.  However, the rear side marker lights didn’t fare so well.  There were two clips holding the trunk liner in place that I could not get out.  Thankfully, the next day our son-in-law Corey figured it out and showed me the error of my ways allowing me to complete the task.  Without his counsel, I was failing, but with his counsel I succeeded.  In this case, the situation was rather benign; however, often times counsel is needed in more difficult circumstances.  If we are to be a helpful and encouraging companion, we need to be discerning in our approach to counsel. 

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.  John 13:34-35

For counsel to be effective there needs to be a relationship and certainly the type of counsel determines the depth of relationship necessary.  We regularly seek the counsel of strangers as we ask for help in stores or have maintenance done in our homes.  While possible, especially in a small town, it is unlikely that we have a strong bond with the store clerks or repairmen.  However, in matters of faith and life, providing and receiving counsel requires a more significant and rather healthy relationship.  Counsel that I offer as a lay counselor at our church is received because the counselee is seeking help and I am willing to give them the best godly counsel that I can.  The counsel that I provide to friends and family is received because they know that I have their best interest at heart. The reverse is also true.  While I regularly dismiss unsolicited advice from strangers, I carefully consider counsel from those who know and love me as I know that they are truly seeking to help me.  As we give and receive wise council, we strengthen relationships and proclaim Christ by our actions.

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.   Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.   Romans 12:9-10

In addition to relationship, encouraging counsel requires the correct delivery.  No matter what type of counsel is being provided, if it is delivered in the wrong manner, it is less likely to be received.  Counsel offered in a condescending, insulting, or harsh manner will most likely be rejected no matter how sound it is.  However, counsel offered calmly, as an encouragement, and in love will more readily be considered and taken to heart.  By doing so, we not only provide counsel and encouragement, but we also demonstrate devotion and love.

Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Galatians 6:1

Scripture teaches us that we are to correct those who are not living according to God’s principals.  This can be a difficult task.  However, James 5:19-20 tells us that when the counsel is provided correctly, we save the “soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins”.   The first consideration here is that the counsel we provide is in accordance with God’s word i.e. that it is neither legalistic nor too lenient.  The second concern is that it is done gently for the sake of both parties.  Again, if our counsel is to be heard, it must be delivered in love for the sake of the recipient.  However, gentleness is also required for the giver as well lest they become arrogant and forget that they too are susceptible to temptation.  

He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.  Proverbs 17:9

Encouraging counsel holds to a code of confidentiality.  Whether it is a matter of sin or merely an embarrassing circumstance, we should keep the matter to ourselves unless someone is threatening to harm themselves or another. In that light, we don’t present our counsel in the “court of public opinion”, we don’t share the situation as news, and we certainly don’t present our gossip as a prayer request.  Our silence in these matters is an act of love that seeks to protect relationships.

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

Whether we are offering counsel to help with a decision, as encouragement in faith, or a challenge to turn from sin, our counsel must be consistent with our Lord’s principles and provided lovingly as well as confidentially within the bounds of an appropriate relationship.  Done in this manner, counsel is truly useful, builds trust, and provides an example to the world of the life Christ calls us to live.  It is also a blessing to know that we have the opportunity to be the companion that helps and that we have companions to support us as we seek to live our lives to the glory of our God.

Whatever you want people to do for you, do the same for them.

Will

If you have been helped by this post, please share it using the links below.