Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

I realize that many who are facing the challenges of chronic illness may not have children or have children that are grown, but that fact does not diminish our impact on the children around us…even the grown ones.  Training the generations to come, is not limited to parents only.  Many people without children of their own have nieces and nephews, are teachers or have friends with children.  My point is, whether or not we have children of our own, we have an impact on those coming up behind us.  Further, our grown children can still learn from us.  That said, both of my grandfathers were excellent carpenters.  My paternal grandfather used to make furniture with his brother-in-law while my maternal grandfather made several pieces for our family.  But their skills were not limited to furniture.  Similarly, my father was and my uncle is skilled in carpentry, masonry, electrical work, etc.  Having grown up on a farm, their skills needed to have a broad spectrum.  Sadly, neither my brothers nor I are particularly well trained in those areas.  Certainly, we can all swing a hammer or use a screwdriver, but the level of expertise is greatly diminished.  We grew up in a different era and circumstance which did not make those talents as necessary.  Consequently, our father didn’t feel the same need to train us as his father did.  As a result, the knowledge did not get passed from one generation to the other. Living with chronic illness requires a special skill set, especially in the spiritual and psychological areas.  It is our trust in God that allows us to live well and the lack of it which allows us to falter.

As I’ve said before, the attitudes and skillset required for a life with chronic illness apply to most other trials of life.  However, where other hardships are usually temporary or once the event has occurred and its ramifications realized, e.g. the death of a loved one, life often goes on in a fairly consistent pattern.  With our illnesses, normal often keeps changing.  Symptoms ebb and flow or change altogether raising new issues.  The treatments that help us often have their own side effects the further complicate matters.  The point is that the constant uncertainty causes wave after wave of frustration that batters us.  Yet it is precisely in that environment that we can live our lives in an instructive way.  Long before Solomon wrote Proverbs 22:6, God gave the His chosen people His commandments for living.  They were not onerous, but rather given to provide for a healthy lifestyle.  With their delivery, God included a further commandment:  “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”  The point was to live it out, talk about it, pass on the skillset so that the generations to come will live well.  Too often we think of training our children in terms of sending them to Sunday School and teaching them to read scripture and pray.  While these are valuable endeavors, we also need to help them learn to apply godly principles to living well.  One of the best ways to do this is to live it ourselves.  So what’s that look like?  I’d like to consider the following areas:  Love the Lord you God with all your heart, soul and might; cast all your cares upon Him; hope does not disappoint; and to live is Christ, to die is gain.

The first issue is “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”  (Deuteronomy 6:5) Consider also Deuteronomy 11:1 and 1 John 5:2-3: “You shall therefore love the Lord your God, and always keep His charge, His statutes, His ordinances, and His commandments.” “By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and observe His commandments.  For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome.”  Note that in all of these passages, loving God comes first.  If the basis for our behavior is not rooted in our love of God, it has no real meaning, it has no passion and it is fruitless.  By contrast, when we seek to live consistently in line with God’s principles because of our love and devotion to Him rather than obligatory submission, we can make a positive impact in the lives of others and encourage them to do likewise.

1 Peter 5:6-7 tells us:  “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”  God knows us and knows our weaknesses, our fears and our doubts.  He also knows that expressing our concerns releases the pressure.  Occasionally venting to our friends may relieve a bit of stress, but developing a habit of it only reinforces the frustration we feel.  However, when we humbly pour out our concerns to God, we acknowledge that He is the one who sustains us and express our hope in Him that He is able to relieve our anxiety in ways beyond our imagination.  We can do this with confidence because of His love for us.  When combined with our loving obedience, we complete the cycle of relationship.  We express our love for God while accepting His love for us and trusting Him.

Hope is the one thing that keeps us going.  As wave after wave of affliction hits us, it is our hope that gives us resilience.  However, it is not just any hope.  It is hope in God, His sustaining grace and His promises.  As Romans 5 tells us, it is hope that is learned.  It is through trials that we learn perseverance, build our character and develop our hope.  When our hope is founded on God, it never disappoints.  Life may not follow a path that we would willingly choose, but it does follow the path that God has lovingly laid out for us to perfect us and draw us closer to Him.   “And (this) hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”  As the waves of angst wash over us, so too do the waves of God’s grace which remind us of His immense love for us…a love so deep that He sacrificed His Son for us.  David expresses it this way:  “Remember the word to Your servant, in which You have made me hope.  This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has revived me.”  (Psalm 119:49-50)  It is our hope that revives us and gives us the resilience to meet the next challenge.

It is not just how we live but also how we die that teaches those around us how to live well.  Paul’s statement “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” in Philippians 1:21 encompasses the present and eternity.  It says that as long as I live, I will live in service to Almighty God and when I die, I will enjoy His presence forever.  If we agree that our principle purpose in life is to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever”, that enjoyment spans both this life and the next.  It says that we trust His judgement as to when that transition should take place.  It says that we look forward to that day with hope, but do not rush it because life has become difficult.  It says that we want nothing more than to enjoy His presence forever, but that we also are concerned with any remaining tasks that He has for us to complete as well as those who may feel the loss of our physical presence.  It says that we will live for Him at all times…both enjoyable and challenging.

My mother loved to sew.  She never taught me to sew, but when I could no longer work, I decided to try it.  While there has been a lot of trial and error, I have noticed something in how I do things.  There are certain habits I have developed.  They do not come from instruction…verbal or otherwise.  When I started to notice them, I realized that they came from casually observing my mother as she sewed.  I will never be as accomplished as she was, but she has taught me through her actions.  While we should certainly be willing to discuss our godly attitudes, motivation and hope, by living them out for those close to us to see, we teach them in ways that are more memorable than words…especially when our words are consistent with our behaviors.  As you face the constant turmoil of ever changing circumstances, fulfill the calling to live in such a way that your children and/or those around you learn to deal with life’s challenges with grace and godliness.