You Have Been My God

“Yet You are He who brought me forth from the womb; You made me trust when upon my mother’s breasts.  Upon You I was cast from birth; you have been my God from my mother’s womb. Be not far from me, for trouble is near; for there is none to help.”  Psalm 22:9-11 

Healthy relationships are important.  The ones that are most meaningful are the ones that have stood the test of time and have survived the ups and downs of life.  As the relationship grows, the level of intimacy and trust increases.  Usually this level of trust is developed in the difficult seasons of life.  As two parties enjoy the pleasure of each other’s company, work through conflicts and encourage one another through disappointments and hardships mutual respect develops and the foundation of the relationship becomes stronger and can endure greater trials than when the relationship was young.  I have known many people in my lifetime that I have loved and enjoyed, but as an introvert, there have been few that were truly intimate.  Three of the most important bonds have been my wife and daughters.  Including courtship, my wife and I have been together just a few months shy of forty years.  We have enjoyed and endured much together.  Despite our human failures, there is a mutual trust and love at the core that allows us to work through the struggles.  As our daughters are now adults, these two relationships have endured the metamorphosis from strictly parent child to adult relationships which not only recognize the familial connection, but also mutual respect as adults and siblings in Christ.

As important as these and other relationships are, what about God?  As Larry Crabb asks in the book “Shattered Dreams”, is God in your close circle of friends?  A few months ago the verse above jumped out at me as I read Psalm 22 while watching my father prepare to leave this world.  As I considered it then and reflect on it now, I can honestly say this is true for me.  Having been raised in a Christian home, I have not known a time without God.  A review of my past reveals God’s guiding hand working for my good, even when it didn’t feel like that was the case.  His consistent grace and loving care have watched over me even when I was unaware and have created a level of trust that does not permit me to even consider questioning His love despite my circumstances.  As Psalm 19 states, He knows me more intimately than I know myself and continues to love me despite my failures.  He is in fact, my most intimate friend.

Of course my bond with God was easy when I first acknowledged my trust in Him as a child without responsibility.  As a young adult, I thanked Him for providing a godly wife.  I praised him for the safe arrivals of our daughters and vowed to teach them His ways as they were baptized.   I recognized His faithfulness at other milestones such as graduations, job provisions and times of spiritual renewal.  These times evoked joy, praise and elation.  That was easy, but He proved Himself most faithful in the harder times.  The 27th of March will mark 40 years since my first very close encounter with suffering.  That night a driver impaired by drugs and alcohol would hit the vehicle in which my friends and I were traveling.  A few days later, the driver of our car would meet his Lord face to face leaving his parents, fiancé, family and friends to grieve.  The events of that night haunt me to this day.  Was God faithful in that?  Most certainly He was.  Through that event, God began laying the groundwork for my understanding of suffering and mercy through His eyes.  Further, it was through that event that I met my wife.  Similarly He was sustaining me and working for my good during the deaths of my college roommate, my mother and my father.  He was there teaching me through job losses and the related financial difficulties.  He has sustained me through illness and the related loss of my career.  Through all of these and many more events God has not only been near, but has provided people to walk through these experiences with me.  As I look over all of the events of my life, I can see God’s hand working in my favor despite my lack of awareness at the time.  However, in the fray, I have to admit my feelings and prayers are better described by the beginning of Psalm 42: “My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3)  Now, with the perspective of time and a greater understanding of God, my feelings are more in line with Psalm 23.  I understand that God is the one who guides me and provides the times of respite.  When times are difficult, He is still with me guiding and comforting me.  He provides for me even in the midst of conflict with my enemies.  In the end, He will lead me safely to dwell with Him for eternity.  His promises are true and He is faithful whether or not I recognize it or feel it.  As recently as this morning I had to remind myself of these facts as a wave of unwarranted anxiety passed over me.  I had to pray Philippians 4:6 and Psalm 139:23-24 to remind myself to trust God and allow Him to calm my soul.  As I turned to Him, He was faithful to respond and quiet my soul.

So what about you?  Are you intimate with God and do you truly trust Him or is He a “casual acquaintance”?  What is your testimony?  Can you look over your past and see God’s hand at work in your life?  Do you recognize His faithfulness?  Do you allow that to calm your fears when times are difficult?  If you are reading this, God has sustained you in the past and is currently sustaining both your body and soul.  If your times are trying, are you reminding yourself of God’s past faithfulness and allowing it to alleviate your concerns for the present and the future?  Are you, like the writer of Psalm 42 arresting your fears with words like “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.” (Psalm 42:11)  Our God is unchanging.  The God who loved you and worked for your good in the pleasant times also loves you and is working toward your benefit in the difficult ones.  If you are nearing the end of your days, are you trusting Him and allowing Him to lead you home?  Are you preparing to meet you most faithful friend face to face?

God is my God.  He is also my father, my friend, my savior, my comforter and my teacher.  He has been much more faithful to me than I have been to Him.  He has proven His character.  I doubt and I fear, yet by grace I rely on His past faithfulness and His unchanging character to allow me to trust His perfect plan.  I pray that you will do the same so that together we can reflect the attitude of Psalm 22 which begins in depths of despair, but moves to glorious praise of our God, our Savior and our Comforter.

I will tell of Your name to my brethren; In the midst of the assembly I will praise You.  You who fear the Lord, praise Him; all you descendants of Jacob, glorify Him, and stand in awe of Him, all you descendants of Israel.  For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; nor has He hidden His face from him; but when he cried to Him for help, He heard.  From You comes my praise in the great assembly; I shall pay my vows before those who fear Him.  The afflicted will eat and be satisfied; those who seek Him will praise the Lord.  Let your heart live forever!  All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations will worship before You.  For the kingdom is the Lord’s and He rules over the nations.  All the prosperous of the earth will eat and worship, all those who go down to the dust will bow before Him, even he who cannot keep his soul alive.  Posterity will serve Him; it will be told of the Lord to the coming generation.  They will come and will declare His righteousness to a people who will be born, that He has performed it.”  Psalm 22:22-31

The following video is a bit longer, but is more than just a song for it is a powerful form of testimony.